She would even play out conversations she’d had through the day with not only work colleagues, but her friends, as she couldn’t lose her trademark for being the most ‘popular and attractive’ friend which she enjoyed.
Slowly, through our sessions, Phoebe’s façade started to break down, as her lifestyle and the effort she was making was having a very negative impact on her life- and her blood pressure ! She had recently been to her GP and found out for the first time, that she needed to make dietary and lifestyle changes, habits which, due to her ego and image, were hard for her to break.
Using my cognitive coaching and Socratic questioning approach, we uncovered why Phoebe needed to always feel ‘loved and the centre of attention’. We identified areas of her life that could be improved and role-played situations where she ‘wasn’t always the one making conversation’ and more importantly, feeling ‘like she had to always be the one’ making all the running.
After meeting her friends who she referred to as her ‘crew’ and ‘tribe’, and testing out our theories and role plays, Phoebe began to see that she needn’t always be the one organising everyone’s life, being the centre of attention and then worrying about everyone’s opinions in the small hours of the morning.
Phoebe had begun to see that by allowing others to take responsibility sometimes (especially at work in her marketing role), she made them feel much better and was becoming more of a mentor, which was a role Phoebe started to enjoy and explore.
Phoebe’s social group changed and so did her friendships. However, as Phoebe started to network with likeminded people, the ‘new Phoebe’ was even more popular, so felt more in control of her negative feelings towards her image which stopped her ego from constantly exploding.
I went through my 7/11 breathing exercises that are very effective for clients with insomnia and sleeping problems. Phoebe found these hard at first as she had to learn to ‘switch off’, but as she was experiencing the benefits of sleeping for even 4 hours to start with by following our routine, she began to build up to 7 hours and felt amazing as a result with more vitality and energy.
